Happy wife, happy life?

This post goes out to all the overwhelmed mamas (or non-mama folks who are overwhelmed.) Because the past week or so, I have been that overwhelmed mama.

We have been dealing with some serious toddler tantrums around here. We’re talking yelling, kicking, screaming, hitting, crying, whining, the whole shebang. It’s seriously the worst. It makes me not like my toddler. I have had to constantly remind myself that he is only two and his emotions are just a little bigger than he can handle right now. I have had 29ish years to figure out my emotions and still struggle, so I can only imagine how he feels. But in the moment, I still hate it. It usually ends in both of us sitting on the floor crying.

Add that to a newborn who needs her own one-on-one time, a husband who needs his time with me, parents and siblings who need their time with me, trying to still have friends and a social life, a clean house, well rounded meals, and continue to create a thriving business? It’s too much.

When do I make time for myself? Y’all. We MUST make time for ourselves. It’s really that simple. We have to. It is not an option.

I’m sure you have heard the term “Happy wife, happy life.” I always sort of giggled at the ridiculousness of this saying. I assumed it meant that if my husband wasn’t meeting my every demand then he would obviously be miserable. I mean, he DOES need to meet my every demand don’t get me wrong. I don’t want him to read this and get the wrong idea J  But I now read that happy wife term a little different. I think what it should say is “If mom feels crazy, everyone goes crazy.” Or “If mom is too stressed, everyone feels stressed.”

Here is what I have realized. When I start to feel like life is getting a little out of control, life actually gets a little out of control. These past few weeks our schedules have been a little more hectic. The kids have spent a good amount of time in their car seats while I run errands. Hixon has spent some serious time plopped in front of the TV while I try and get stuff done around the house. Baby Kimora has spent some serious time in the swing. But what happens? Hixon starts to act out. He is bored. He then feels he needs to get out ALL the toys. He wants to eat ALL the snacks. He has major, horrific, make-me-wanna-throat-punch-him, meltdowns. Which leads to guilt on my end. Which leads to more stress about not being the perfect mom. Which leads to more tears. Which leads to a meltdown of my own.

See how that works? It’s a vicious cycle.

clean house mem

Today I made it a point to spend some time on me. I got my own sanity back, so everyone around can have theirs back too. I dropped Hixon at school, fed the baby, and went and sat at my favorite coffee shop and read a book. I didn’t get to spend hours upon hours reading. But that 30 minutes of quiet time was GLORIOUS. The baby slept in her car seat, I sipped coffee and read. And you know what? I feel so much better. The dishes from breakfast are still in the sink, the toilets still need to be cleaned, and my floors are so gross I refuse to walk around barefoot right now. (Damn dogs and toddlers. Will my floors ever be clean?) But I actually feel like I can get those things done this afternoon. I also realize the world won’t come crumbling down if I don’t.

So new rule mamas. What makes you happy? A bath and a glass of wine after the kids are asleep? (I hate taking a bath. Sitting in dirty water freaks me out. But you do you girl.) A good book and coffee? Trash TV and a bowl of popcorn? A pedicure? A massage? A real good gym sweat sesh? Do it. Take back your sanity. Don’t find the time, MAKE the time. Let the toilets be dirty for just a few more minutes. Better yet, pay someone else to clean them. <<< Still hoping my husband is reading this J

No guilt, no judgement.


Mama Darnell


PS: the whole time I wrote this Hixon cried in his room refusing to take a nap. For the second day this week. So cheers to that…good mom

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